Grace in the Midst

      I make a grunting noise as I toss another lego into "toy jail". I step away and trip over one of the kids light sabers.  Glancing over at the breakfast crumbs (we could seriously feed a family of refugees , not that I struggle with the idea of how much we waste or anything), I feel my eyes well up and think "I could use some of 'the force' about now. Trying to determine if I should pull the kids from their happy game of Zingo or tackle the breakfast fiasco on my own, I decide on the latter. What was my dear friend's quote, I ponder. Oh yeah, "a little and often". She was referring to home maintenance (along with other things). Gently, she was reminding me to stay on top of things rather than let them build into tougher jobs. "This isn't a little and often", I sarcastically mumble "this is 'a lot and always'." Seriously, if I'd simply pray every time I pick something off the floor, I might actually get a gras...

     The day had just begun and I was barely holding it together. I had a couple of young kids and getting them dressed and out the door did not go smoothly. There were diaper explosions, bad attitudes, spilled drinks and a couple of arguments with my husband. We were both exhausted. The speaker had no idea how tired and discouraged we were. The Lord had given him a heart for the poor and he was passionately pleading with his listeners for help. He was begging us to open our eyes, to reach out, to make a difference. My eyes welled up with tears and I wish I could say it was out of compassion. It wasn't. I had no idea how I was going to make it through lunch let alone reach out to anybody. I wanted to stand up and scream "can somebody help me while you are at it?!" I left feeling like a total and complete failure. A few years later and yet another difficult day I sat holding my squirming toddler and tried to hear as much as I could of a Sunday morning sermon. The pastor wa...

I have noticed something interesting about myself when it comes to opening the doors of our home. I am the first to admit that fifteen minutes before our guests arrived the place was a mess. I was barking orders to my kids, scrubbing our toilet, stuffing things in drawers and searching for underwear (yup, probably dirty) that pop up in the most random places. I don't mind admitting that I don't have it all together, but I have a hard time letting anyone see it. I am the same way when it comes to my emotions. If I'm really struggling I tend to pull away. Just last night I found myself tempted to postpone a scheduled visit with a few close friends because I had no desire to admit to them that I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. Praise God, I dragged myself there and they gently began the process of gluing me back together by simply listening & loving me - despite me. And then there's "grace in the midst". I love passing along thoughts, ideas an...

My daughter is beautiful. She lights up our world. I love my boys and thank God for them every single day. But because we have four boys and one princess, her beauty kind of stands out if ya know what I mean. Obviously I am not speaking of a worldly, everything is perfectly arranged and completely flawless kind of beauty, but of an inner sweetness, a precious innocence and a giggle that bubbles over into every part of her being. So when she decided to be a princess for a friends Halloween party I definitely didn't argue. We braided her hair, fastened her crown and zipped up her flowing gown. Then, for the very first time (she is 4) we painted her lips and rosied up her plump (in an adorably pinchable kind of way) cheeks. We looked in the mirror and admired our work. But, something didn't look right. She was holding her lips at a funny angle and talking without shutting them. She was worried. She didn't want her lipstick to come off. For the next hour she had a hard time re...

I have never started a blog post without anything in particular on my heart and mind. But, oh how I've missed writing. I've been begging God to give me the time, energy, motivation and inspiration to write again. And, here I am. I have no idea what this post is going to be about. Ok, I think I just lied...well, sort of. As soon as I wrote the words "begging God" something started to stir within my heart. So, I guess I'll start there. Prayer. What an incredible gift that God, the maker of the universe and former of our hearts has given us. And yet I open it so rarely. I recently had the opportunity to watch the movie "The War Room" with a good friend (and in the middle of the day, amazingly enough). I laughed, I cried and I left the theatre feeling totally and completely convicted...in a good way. The kind of conviction that comes with hope, passion and desire (by the way I'm learning that the other kind of conviction, which comes with guilt, shame a...

Note - Though our family has chosen to home school (and the subject comes up in this post), I am in no way suggesting that every one should go that route.  I believe the lessons I've been pondering are applicable to us all. I recently went to a homeschooling conference for the 7th straight year (yes, I'm the mom who started  going to these before I actually had children) and once again found it incredibly encouraging.  It is interesting to look back over the years and see how my thought processes have changed.  My first couple of years I went because "everybody was doing it", well at least in my social circle.  The speakers were wonderful and even more so the late night giggles with the gals I shared a room with.  After I had my first couple of kids, I started going for different reasons.  I was looking for something.  I was looking for the RIGHT way to homeschool.  I would literally walk around gawking at the sweet natured & polite tee...

     January.  Wow, my last post was in January.  I knew it had been a while, but 5 months?  I think that is the longest I have gone without writing! It feels good to be back.  Where did I go?  Well, at first I was embarrassed.  I felt like I needed to announce that we are expecting our 5th little one - which I never officially did (but I guess I'm doing now?).  As much as I wish I was one of those confident people who doesn't care what people think.  I'm not.  I struggle with it - A LOT.   I was personally excited the first couple of weeks, but afraid to admit it.  Then, when the pregnancy hormones kicked in full force, the word excited was no where in my vocabulary.  Scared, yes.  Doubting myself, you bet. I found myself constantly analyzing the comments I get at the grocery store (your crazy, I'm glad its you and not me, you DO know what causes that, right?, How can you ...

Praying through the Lord's prayer daily is one of the most life changing habits I have ever made.  On the days that I skip it, which have been quite a few lately, I can't believe how different I feel.  Its as if I am lost. I've missed it so much. I shared the process with a couple of friends and they keep reminding me how much of a difference it is making in their daily walk - so, I'm re-joining them :) I do it in a number of ways - sometimes in letter form (like below), sometimes in list form (listing proof of His existence, attributes of his name, reasons I long for His kingdom...and so on), and sometimes simply praying through it in the shower (my prayer closet) ;) Would you consider joining us in this daily habit? Our Father - Dear Abba (daddy), Who art in heaven Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that you really are there.  Though your creation makes it obvious in so many ways - and the blessings you pour out upon my life are unbelievable - often ...

A s many Christians do, I often feel like I am trying to balance on a seesaw between legalism and cheap grace.  In other words, at times I am tempted to focus solely on the "rules" of Christianity and other times I am tempted to completely forget about "rules" and find myself with a "who cares, He loves me no matter what" kind of attitude.  Focusing on either end brings little glory to God.  Yet, there is a place for both within the gospel of Christ.   There is another "seesaw" I wrestle with daily - training my children to behave vs demonstrating God's grace with my words and actions.  At times I find myself discouraged because though I have read many books & articles on both sides of the spectrum (either totally focused on behavior or totally focused on grace), it is rare that I stumble upon one with a healthy balance - although, there are a few.  The "grace based" philosophys make me feel like I shouldn't work on my chi...

I am excited that I finally long for Heaven - even on my best of days (which are by far happier now than they ever have been)! For my whole Christian life I have always struggled with loving earth so much that the idea of praying "thy Kingdom come" or "Come, Lord Jesus" have never made since to me.  The only time the subject of Heaven brought any comfort was when a believing loved one passed away or when I was incredibly depressed.  I don't think I'm the only one who has felt that way, as a matter of fact I stumbled across this quote by Randy Alcorn (who was quoting a pastor) this morning... "Whenever I think about Heaven, it makes me depressed. I’d rather just cease to exist when I die. I can’t stand the thought of that endless tedium. To float around in the clouds with nothing to do but strum a harp … it’s all so terribly boring. Heaven doesn’t sound much better than Hell. I’d rather be annihilated than spend eternity in a place like that.” I...

In case I gave the impression in my last post that I regularly submit to the voice of the Spirit and not my flesh - my husband can attest to the fact that that is definitely not the case.  Actually, on the very day that I chose to listen to the Spirit and stop writing for a time - I also chose to listen to the flesh and say one of the most cruel things I have ever said to my husband.  It hurt.  It hurt him and it hurt me.  And in a way I think it proves the point of my last post profoundly.  If I had listened to the Spirit and not gotten angrily defensive, how much lighter the burden would have been - for both of us.  The incredibly challenging part of "being crucified in Christ" and "dying to ourselves" is the choice in itself.  The giving up of what we want in a particular moment.  The results, however, of listening to the Spirit instead of the flesh are so much easier and lighter.  So much better.  He knows what we need more than we ...

"Give praise to the LORD, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done.  Sing praise to him; tell of his wonderful acts." Psalm 105:2 New born babies can't talk.  And even if they could, they are pretty much concerned with their own needs.  They literally can't see more than a foot in front of them.  They are treasured.  Loved.  Delighted in.  But, they don't even realize it.  Most of the time, their mommies care for them so much that they would give their own life to protect them.  But, as babies, they haven't grown up enough to tell the world how amazing their mommy is. I am tired of being a baby believer.  For years I believed.  But, I couldn't see past my own needs and wants.  And sadly, whenever I grew just the tinyist bit (or thought I did), it quickly became easy to see other peoples' rough edges.  Often I was much more aware of their rough edges than I was of my own.  Although I've spen...

     I've been praying for the ability to discern what thoughts, desires & inklings come from my flesh (meaning my body...like say, cravings), which ones come from my soul (mind, emotions etc...) and which one's come from my spirit (which, praise be to God, includes the Holy Spirit who lives within me).  I'm hoping to get better at following the leadings of my spirit and less likely to follow the leadings of my body and soul.  Tonight, I am not sure if the writing of this post stems from the spirit (which, I am surely hoping) or from the body (as I gave into my ever-tempting desire for multiple pieces of dark chocolate).  Either way, here I am - fully awake at midnight - with words pouring from my fingers.      I just climbed down the ladder of my three year old's loft bed.  He and I, we had a rough day - and I just wanted to be near him.  To reassure him of my love (though, I'm not sure if he even knew I was there), to pray ov...

For those of you who read my last post, " not my cup of tea ", I am curious what you thought my main point was? After re-reading it a few times, I realized that it may have come across that I was pointing the finger at people who point the finger when I often struggle with pointing the finger. You might have to read that line a few times :) I'd like to take a moment to clarify the heart of my message.  It is not so much that I want to come down on people (including myself) who sometimes struggle with "the log in the eye" syndrome, as it is that I want to encourage each of us to constantly hold the things that we feel the most strongly about before the Lord.  You just might find, as I did even yesterday, that God often changes our hearts & mind on the very things we find ourselves pointing at. Consider this verse for a moment -  James 1: 22-25  "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.   23  Anyone who listens to ...

I recently had a conversation with a friend in which the subject of large families came up.  When I mentioned a new arrival (baby) to an already large family, her response was - "that is not my cup of tea."  I already knew that and it was/is ok with me, but for some reason the "not my cup of tea" statement as a reaction to someone else's news bugged me. I was thinking/praying about it and I found myself visualizing an actual ladies tea party.  Imagine if instead of each lady enjoying their own cup of tea, they spent their time arguing (or perhaps just thinking negative thoughts to themselves) about what everyone else was drinking. "I can't believe you like decaffeinated, how unfortunate!" "What, you take yours black?  That's disgusting." "That caffeine is killing you, you know!" "Tea isn't even tea if it doesn't have at least 3 tablespoons of sugar." I don't know about you, but I wouldn't w...

1949. Being on the other side (well, almost anyway) of a trial 1950. Friends, family & even strangers - sacrificially loving and blessing our family in our time of need 1951. Not having to cook for almost a month 1952. My mom "just so happened" to live in Maine when I got my hip replaced 1953. Recognizing that every moment with my family is a gift - especially after coming closer to losing those moments (at least here on earth) than I expected to 1954. The ability to walk 1955. Extra love & attention poured upon Teal (both by those who babysat him recently & by his mama)- our fourth little guy got to be like our first little guy for a few weeks 1956. Time to work on our website 1957. Missing my family 1958. Quiet days 1959. Returning to the norm - Loud days :) 1960. People who donate their blood 1961. Doctors who save lives 1962. Picking up Avonlea 1963. Three weeks worth of help with our children...and it all coming together so smoothly 1964. Ugly/...