Skip to main content

For the record...

     I've been praying for the ability to discern what thoughts, desires & inklings come from my flesh (meaning my say, cravings), which ones come from my soul (mind, emotions etc...) and which one's come from my spirit (which, praise be to God, includes the Holy Spirit who lives within me).  I'm hoping to get better at following the leadings of my spirit and less likely to follow the leadings of my body and soul.  Tonight, I am not sure if the writing of this post stems from the spirit (which, I am surely hoping) or from the body (as I gave into my ever-tempting desire for multiple pieces of dark chocolate).  Either way, here I am - fully awake at midnight - with words pouring from my fingers.
     I just climbed down the ladder of my three year old's loft bed.  He and I, we had a rough day - and I just wanted to be near him.  To reassure him of my love (though, I'm not sure if he even knew I was there), to pray over him (something new to me, I'm ashamed to say) and to beg God for wisdom.  Those of you who know me well, or maybe even just barely, have probably heard me say more than once that I have found parenting four kiddos easier than I found parenting two.  That over the years, God has been working on me and changing me, and that I like who I am now so much more than who I was a few years back.  Today, however, I wasn't feeling that way at all. It was definitely one of those I CAN'T DO THIS kind of days.  A day where, more than once, I was dumbfounded, begging God for wisdom and guidance, and wasn't sure I got a response.  A day that I struggled with anger, discouragement, disappointment, and doubt (wow, that was a lot of d's).
     To be honest I am not sure exactly where I am going with this...other than perhaps, for records sake, to admit that I have these kinds of days.  Sometimes I feel like when I am chatting with other moms and I casually say that I've found four kiddos easier than two, it may come across like I've got it down.  Like, I'm put together - and that perhaps, some day they can join me on the "I've got it all figured out" side of things.  I don't mean to sound that way, and I definitely don't feel that way - but I just thought I'd put it in writing in case somehow it has or ever does seem like that is what I mean.
     There was one moment today where I found myself questioning the "blessing" of the tough times with my precious middle child.  I mean, I KNOW that he is a blessing - beyond a shadow of a doubt.  As a matter of fact, his heart is so big and his love is so deep that I am often amazed we share the same genes.  But, if I am honest, certain moments with him FEEL like a curse rather than a blessing. Thankfully though, the Holy Spirit reminds me ...

"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4"

     And I remember that my precious boy is not the only one being parented here.  God is parenting me. These tough times, they are probably some of the biggest blessings of parenting.

     A friend recently reminded me that if you help a butterfly get out of his cocoon, he dies because he is so weak.  That the struggle of getting out of the cocoon is what gives the butterfly the strength to fly.  Today, I wanted an easy out.  I didn't want to struggle.  But, now that I've had some time to reflect, I'm thankful that God is strengthening me so I can learn how to fly.


  1. Thank you for sharing this, Val. It's valuable to see God working in the lives of others and, in this case, yours. :-)


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The second half of the serenity prayer

I think I've heard the serenity prayer a million and one times, but I just recently found out that it is never quoted in full.  The second half is wonderfully encouraging! "God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world As it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right If I surrender to His Will; So that I may be reasonably happy in this life And supremely happy with Him Forever and ever in the next"

I'm just not feeling it

I have noticed something interesting about myself when it comes to opening the doors of our home. I am the first to admit that fifteen minutes before our guests arrived the place was a mess. I was barking orders to my kids, scrubbing our toilet, stuffing things in drawers and searching for underwear (yup, probably dirty) that pop up in the most random places. I don't mind admitting that I don't have it all together, but I have a hard time letting anyone see it. I am the same way when it comes to my emotions. If I'm really struggling I tend to pull away. Just last night I found myself tempted to postpone a scheduled visit with a few close friends because I had no desire to admit to them that I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. Praise God, I dragged myself there and they gently began the process of gluing me back together by simply listening & loving me - despite me. And then there's "grace in the midst". I love passing along thoughts, ideas an


We didn't make it to church this Sunday. Its a family tradition. The Maine Wienerfest - we landed there accidentally 5 or 6 years ago and fell in love with the hundreds of dachshunds competing. The costume contest has always been our favorite, I mean who can resist a puppy princess - definitely not Avonlea (our six year old daughter).  But this year, the race got my vote, hands down. Photo - Those precious doxens racing to the finish line. Their owners, treats in hand, calling out  to their beloved pets, hoping they will run straight to them.  The ginormous grins, giggles and cheering - all brought on by the pups' confusion as to which way to go. No one was looking at the disoriented dogs with even a hint of frustration.  Not a single person had a scowl.   Everyone delighted in their efforts. And when one of the adorable runners finally figured out which way to go and ran as fast as his little feet could carry him, we all jumped to our feet and cheered.