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Suicide

My dad's sister took her life today.  My mom's brother took his life 10 years ago.
 

One of the last things I said to them:

Auntie,
We would love to see you guys too! Know that you are always welcome here in Maine. We think back fondly to the time that you guys visited
Thanks for checking in Aunt Kay. Love you! Hope things are going well on
your end.

Uncle,
Nothing.

What I wish I would have said:
Dearest Auntie,
Things have been really busy here in Maine, but I am thinking about you and praying for you.  How are you doing?  I know pretty much everyone asks that, but I really mean it.  How are you, really?  It must be hard taking care of Uncle every day and night.  Are you able to get out for a breather every now and then?  I hope and pray you have a chance to get out with a friend who can offer you a smile and a hug - and maybe even a cup of coffee.  If I was there, I'd sure love to do that.  To tell you the truth, I'm only just learning how to love.  Sometimes it is so easy to get so wrapped up in my own little world that I forget that I have friends and family who need to hear they are loved.  You are loved, Auntie.  Do you know that?  I mean really know that?  Not only do I love you, but oh what a wonderful blessing you are to your mom.  She loves you so much. You take the time to call her every day, you make her smile, you give her hope.  And Auntie, I'm not trying to be preachy or anything - but God loves you so much.  He really and truly does.  He loves you right where you are at, for who you are - warts and all.  Do you have any warts by the way?  That sounds funny, but I really don't know the answer.  To be honest, I've recently realized I don't know much about you at all.  I hope over the next few years we can get to know each other better.  You don't really have to tell me if you have a wart or not :), but I sure would love to get to know you more.  What kinds of things do you (or did you, when he was feeling better) and Uncle do for fun?  One of our favorite things to do is spend time outdoors...well, at least in the summer.  It is so nice to let the kids run off some energy and to breathe in the many blessings God pours out.  Well, I really should run because it is 3:00 in the morning and I should probably get some sleep.  I just wanted to say hello - and let you know how much you are loved.

Love always,
Valerie

Dear Uncle,
I have been thinking about you a lot these days.  It is funny, when you are a kid you don't ponder the little things that people do for you - but lately, I've been thinking about that a lot.  You were always so kind, so generous and had such a big, beautiful (ok, ok, handsome) smile.  I know I don't often take the time to thank you for, well - just being a great uncle.  You are so funny - I honestly can't remember a time when you weren't making someone laugh...even our waiters or waitresses (ok, mostly just the waitresses :).  I know things have been really hard lately - I have to admit I don't really understand exactly what you are going through with your physical and mental health.  But, I just want you to know that I love you.  So much.  Our whole family does.  And, I know you already know this - cuz you tell people all the time - but God loves you too.  Even on your toughest days.  No matter what sin you are struggling with or what fears you hold on too.  I am thankful for you, Uncle.  I sure hope we can spend time together soon.

Love always,
Valerie


What I would say to them now:

Dear Uncle and Auntie,
I am shocked.  I had no idea how much you were struggling and how deep your pain was.  I am so sorry that I was too busy to take the time to notice, or even to take the time to find out.  I wish you were still here so I could wrap my arms around you and tell you that I love you.  I wish you could hold little Teal and notice, as I do, how his smile takes up three quarters of his face.  I wish you could chase the boys around our kitchen island and hear how their laughter fills a room (often a little too much so :)  And Avonlea, I know she would give you the biggest hug ever and make big kissing sounds as she kissed your cheeks.  I wish I could share my blessings with you.  We all miss you more than we could ever express in words. Oh how I wish you wouldn't have given up.  I don't know if I will ever understand the choice you made.  But, I still love you.  We all do - and we always will.

Love always,
Valerie

If you are struggling and/or are ever tempted to take your life:
 Dear, dear, dear one (and I mean that - you are dear...dear to God, dear to friends, dear to family)   
     Your loved ones are too busy.  They probably haven't told you lately how much you mean to them - or how much they love you.  Honestly, they probably don't even realize how much themselves.   Please, I'm begging you - give them a chance.  Tell them you are struggling.  Tell them you are lonely.  Tell them what you are tempted to do.  Let them in.  Even if they aren't asking.  THEY DO CARE!  If you take your life, they will spend the rest of their lives wishing they had told you, wishing they had hugged you more, and wishing they had known.  Sometimes the hurt will be so deep that some of them may even be tempted to do the same...and for my loved ones that are reading this - don't worry, I am in no way tempted to do so.  Hurting one,  please, please, please reach out.  Don't take your life.
     And, if you don't have anyone - if you are truly by yourself in this ugly/beautiful world - don't give up.  Keep looking for a friend, keep praying.  Even when it doesn't feel like God is listening, He is.  Beg God for a friend - and if you don't know God...tell Him you want to know Him.  Keep telling Him.  He DOES love you!  It doesn't matter what you did (or can't figure out how to stop doing) - or how messed up your thought life is.  He loves you.  Exactly as you are.  He has more to offer though.  You don't have to stay the same.  He can and will change you, if you let Him.  It might be a slow process (or sometimes it is immediate), but there is hope. There is hope.  There is hope.  There is hope. PLEASE, don't give up.

Hurt & the Healing - by Mercy Me


Comments

  1. Oh honey...
    I am so so sorry.
    What a painful chapter.
    Your response is beautiful, though.
    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete

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