Skip to main content

Fear & trust

I ended my last post with the following paragraph - 
"I am really thankful that I am starting to recognize that choosing stress and worry is like kicking God of His throne.  I hope and pray that each time I find myself heading in that direction, I will say - not my will but yours be done.  Please, Lord - stay on the throne of my life.  I KNOW you'll do a much better job than I could ever do!"

And yet tonight - I am having a hard time trusting Him.  I'm, well - scared.  A week from today I'm having my right hip replaced.  I'm not sure exactly what the source of my fear is...I think it mostly has to do with being away from my four children for more than a week.  They have never been away from me for more than 2 days.  


Who's going to tickle Cole's neck, back & legs (in that order) as he makes his way up the stairs to his loft bed at nap time?  What will Avonlea think when I just disappear (I've tried to explain it to her, but she's only two).  Will I be able to make it through the whole thing without losing the ability to nurse our five month old?  Blake is SO CLOSE to reading...what if I miss the moment it all clicks?  

What if I feel like jogging after the surgery - they say I can't.  What if the kids act up more than usual while I'm gone?  What if I never wake up?  Can I sit in a bean bag (I heard something about not being able to sit in low positions). ? How long will it take to get back into our daily routine - which I've finally figured out how to enjoy (most days)?  What will my house look like when I get home?  What if one of the babysitters has to cancel?  What if my kids get sick?  What if I get sick? How long will it take us to pay the deductible?

Is this pain really going to go away?  Will I feel like an old lady? Can I dance? 

The questions linger...and I'm tempted to stay in this place.  But, for this moment - I'm going to choose a different path.

Join me?

Father God,
I am so thankful for all that you give me.  Thank you for saving my life all those years ago when I took a nose dive off a twenty foot cliff.  Thank you for allowing me to carry children.  You are a life giver.  Help me trust you with mine.  You are here with me this very moment and won't leave me (or my children) as we go through this challenging time.  Thank you for the wonderfully supportive friends and family you surround me with.  Please, Lord - help me focus on what you give and not what might be taken away.  May I rest in you tonight Father.  May the person reading this who is struggling with their own difficult circumstance, feel Your presence this very moment.  My they (we) know beyond a shadow of a doubt - that you are there.  You are loving.  You are faithful.  You never EVER give up on us - and you'll never leave us or forsake us.  May they (we) never take a single moment for granted, but learn to see You and all that you give.  I love you, Lord - help me to love you more.  Amen.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Wienerfest

We didn't make it to church this Sunday. Its a family tradition. The Maine Wienerfest - we landed there accidentally 5 or 6 years ago and fell in love with the hundreds of dachshunds competing. The costume contest has always been our favorite, I mean who can resist a puppy princess - definitely not Avonlea (our six year old daughter).  But this year, the race got my vote, hands down. Those precious doxens racing to the finish line. Their owners, treats in hand, calling out  to their beloved pets, hoping they will run straight to them.  The ginormous grins, giggles and cheering - all brought on by the pups' confusion as to which way to go. No one was looking at the disoriented dogs with even a hint of frustration. Not a single person had a scowl.  Everyone delighted in their efforts. And when one of the adorable runners finally figured out which way to go and ran as fast as his little feet could carry him, we all jumped to our feet and cheered. "Way to go!" "That…

The second half of the serenity prayer

I think I've heard the serenity prayer a million and one times, but I just recently found out that it is never quoted in full.  The second half is wonderfully encouraging!

"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next"

Life changing - the Lord's prayer

Praying through the Lord's prayer daily is one of the most life changing habits I have ever made.  On the days that I skip it, which have been quite a few lately, I can't believe how different I feel.  Its as if I am lost. I've missed it so much.

I shared the process with a couple of friends and they keep reminding me how much of a difference it is making in their daily walk - so, I'm re-joining them :)

I do it in a number of ways - sometimes in letter form (like below), sometimes in list form (listing proof of His existence, attributes of his name, reasons I long for His kingdom...and so on), and sometimes simply praying through it in the shower (my prayer closet) ;)

Would you consider joining us in this daily habit?

Our Father - Dear Abba (daddy),

Who art in heaven
Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that you really are there.  Though your creation makes it obvious in so many ways - and the blessings you pour out upon my life are unbelievable - often my feelings d…